(Photo courtesy of Libby McLinn at Phish.com)

There's a very good reason why it's been over two (!) years since I've updated this blog. I find it highly amusing (and not very surprising) that my last entry was right after I started working again.

Reading back on it, though, I'm intensely glad that I chronicled that time in my life…2003 was one of the best years I’ve ever had: I was happily not working, traveling all over the country and the world to see the people and do the things I loved the most, not to mention practicing yoga every day, cooking up a storm, and just figuring out my next step.

I can’t say the past two years have been quite as pleasant…and before I start a new chronicle, it’s important that I get this out of the way (given the preponderance of content in my archives….). In May 2004, the same day we were told that our landlord was selling our apartment and we’d have to move (I. Hate. Moving.), Phish broke up. We’d already planned a summer full of shows, but my anticipation of a happy tour turned to dread. I wasn’t just counting the days until I could argue over setlist predictions and get down to Boogie while watching the sun set over Alpine Valley, I was ticking off each show as the “last” of something: last time to see Phish in Deer Creek, last festival, last time they’d play Reba, last song ever. It was excruciating, heartbreaking, and very very hard.

And the worst thing about it was that I couldn’t turn to music to comfort me. Previously, whenever I felt REALLY bad, the one thing that would cheer me up a bit would be a few songs from a really good show I’d seen, a quick hit of Antelope or Halley’s or Twist, or just something to remind me that eventually – next week, next month, next tour – I’d get to do the one thing I loved over anything else. When they announced the breakup, I couldn’t even listen to their music; it made me so unspeakably sad.

A year and a half later, there are still songs I can’t listen to and I can’t watch any of the DVDs. M and I have been actively seeing more music than ever, supporting young bands, diving into back catalogs of old favorites…everything we’re supposed to be doing to keep the “scene” vibrant and evolving. We found that High Sierra Music Festival is one of the best weekends of music out there. I found a young band with a lot of kinks to work out can still move you emotionally. And next week, we’re going to go celebrate being American hippies in Europe.

I said when they broke up that it would only be a matter of time before Trey was itching to play Divided Sky at Madison Square Garden (and now that they’re officially going to tear down MSG, I believe that even more). I think I truly believe that they’ll be back together eventually, and lately there have been lots of rumbling that they’ll be back sooner rather than later. It’s very en vogue on Phantasy Tour to be dismissive of these rumours, to show your “They were going downhill anyway, I don’t need Phish anymore” bravado. I think that’s a load of shit. I still miss them today as acutely as I did when they played the last note of The Curtain (With) at Coventry. If they really are on their way back, I say bring it on. That little bit of hope has felt like a big ray of light…just being allowed to think that it might not actually be over is a fantastic feeling.

(Photo courtesy of Libby McLinn at Phish.com)

I miss you guys.